| what a life |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|04:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | NZ | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
omg LJ looks a lot different than I remember it looking like.
sometimes, I think it'd be a real hoot to come back here and read some of my super old entries. it's like looking back in photo albums, but you get to remember all of it. not just the way you looked at the moment or where you used to hang out, but how it felt when you were going through those times you can picture so vividly you don't need pictures to recall it. it's emotionally exhausting, to be honest. oh, and to be honest, a lot of the time, I wasn't. not all the way. not enough that the people I so wanted to understand my cryptic messages ever really could/would.
I'm done that.
I'm almost done another intensely emotional and full part of my life. my New Zealand trip is less than 2 weeks away from being done. and it's not that I haven't had so much to write that it could fill novels.. it just hasn't been appropriate to share it here first.
I'm trying to cut out the confusion approach. if it's not for other people to know, they don't. and if it's important and it involves someone else, then I'm going to tell them. I'm more in charge of my life than I've ever taken credit and responsibility for.
this is me, now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|10:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
so I neeeever write in this anymore, but I figured if I were going to, now was as good a time as any..
this time tomorrow they'll be doing pre-board for my flight from LA to Auckland. holy shit. I am actually doing this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|08:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
so I'm beginning to have mini panic attacks when I think about how soon I'm leaving for my trip. this? not so fun. the trip? I'm sure is going to be mind-blowing. anyhow, for those so inclined..
my travel blog |
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| it's about time I write something like this |
[May. 4th, 2007|09:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | jubilant | ] |
so all I've really done on LJ in the past month has been read ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) ohnotheydidnton a daily basis and maybe check out to see if any of my friends have updated. most haven't. I think facebook is taking over the entire internet. soon it'll be facebook.google.com. watch out world, it won't be long
but the past, specifically, two weeks, have been beyond what I really could have imagined for myself at this time, but I reaaaally thought I should write them down here to share the goodness and hopefully someone else will catch the vibes and have some of their own
so first things first, these may seem petty. they did to me before I acquired them. now, I appreciate so much the place I am at. I don't really know how or when I got here, but all of a sudden, things are totally going my way...
* I passed my G test (second time around taking it). if anyone knows how long I've been driving, how much I've driven, and the fact that I've already had a full license - they will be the ones who will *get* how much of a relief this really is
* my final placement started off rather rocky, and I wasn't feeling too confident about my progress until about week six (of an eight-week placement). turns out that in my final week, at my final evaluation, I got one of the best write-ups that my onsite supervisor had ever done. she actually said that she had difficulty trying to think of areas that I needed improvement on. now I've had my previous onsites say this about me in my evaluations at their centres, but this was an educator I figured had it in for students in general, and this was for my Master Level placement. any fellow ECEs will get how that feels.
* I got hired for supply work at that centre, as well as where I had my second placement
* all of this means... I HAVE GRADUATED COLLEGE. swear to God, I never forsaw myself giving a shit about being done college, but I am so proud of myself for having this diploma, and having done it with such consistently good grades
* had an interview during my last week of placement for a camp counsellor job for the end of the summer. I have never been so confident leaving an interview as I was walking away from that. if I hadn't gotten the job - which I did - I would've thought the guy liked me too much and that's why he couldn't bring me on. I'm so looking forward to this job even though the pay is not what I would like to be making. it'll be fun, and really great experience. I can't ask for much better than that
* because all of this has happened, it's reminded me that I am leaving for New Zealand so much sooner than I'd been thinking. this is something I have so much anticipation for, even though I am beginning to feel the first pangs of how intensely I'm going to miss some people here
* I got my first pay stub from this latest centre where I did my supply work. it's nice to not even have to mention what I'd be making, and find out it's almost $5/hour more than I've ever made.
* my mom found out that she had been invited (re: begged) to come and grade exams in Vancouver at the end of June. she'd wanted me to come, but I had a scheduling conflict between those dates and a prior commitment to the camp job when we'd be moving supplies across town. on a stroke of good luck, my new boss gave me the go-ahead to take the trip to BC anyhow. so now, my mom, Jordan and I are going to Vancouver at the end of June-beginning of July
let's not even touch on the Jordan/relationship thing. because yes, we're broken up, but if we can continue having the 'friendship' that we do presently up until I leave, then we have done something amazing and I'm going to write a fucking book about it. I love him, and he is someone I am so glad to have in my life like this. I don't care how it looks to anyone else. to me, it makes perfect sense
money is the one area of my life that is causing me stress. so it was *very* nice to see the paystub I got this morning. the pay won't actually be put into my account until the middle of this month, same for the other centre, but at least I know it's coming. I'm trying to find as many outlets for making quick money as I can this summer. any suggestions would be welcome. seems like I only really have my evenings and weekends open.
longest entry I've ever written, I think. had a lot to get out. I wanted to commemorate the good that's going on lately instead of only stopping to write when it's not going the way I'd like it to. I feel like I'm in control of so much right now, it's nuts. this is the best and most accomplished I've ever felt. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|07:04 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
mmmn hi most perfect night ever, thanks for visiting last night. celebrating an anniversary for a relationship that's over was pretty fun, all things considered.
now, if only placement were finishing sooner.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|09:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
two years minus two weeks
we had a great run
i am sad, but this was the first and biggest change that had to happen
hopefully the rest will not hurt as much to make |
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| changes |
[Feb. 12th, 2007|10:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Mayer - 'The Heart of Life' | ] |
I am registered and - initially - paid for SWAP. officially.
that means I'm going to New Zealand this year. that means I'm going to New Zealand this year. if that doesn't make you a little bit proud of me, you are heartless. this is the scariest, biggest, probably best decision I've ever made in my life, and it's still 6 months away from happening. I can't believe it myself, but I'm finally doing something about my life
this past weekend was both great and hilariously refreshing, and a tad depressing.
raced a bed across dow's lake with jordan and some of his coworkers
realized I am wayyy behind in a lot of my school work
went to Absolute Comedy for the sixth time in the past six months.. addict much?
spent time with a friend who has amazing eyes
planned for my early Valentine's Day (Tuesday) with Jordan
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I wish I were graduated now and could focus on just making money for the next few months
well, that and camping and getting an assload of face time with some soon-to-be long lost friends in O-town |
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| .. I don't know what to call this |
[Jan. 26th, 2007|04:30 pm] |
this week? not so wonderful.
realized I have just about no extra money in my bank account to do anything. registering for SWAP is $480ish, and after that, I will have maybe a buck in there. maybe.
yesterday, failed my (G) driver's test for not coming to a full 2-second stop at a stop sign. everything else? perfect. stop sign, nuh uh. super thrilled to pay anothe $75 and schedule a new test in which to stress over for weeks and maybe pass/maybe not.
babysat for the first time at a new family's last night. 3 1/2 year old son dropped a glass full of water on the floor, cup shatterred, Heather clean up glass for the rest of the evening.
and, as of January 21st, my dad has officially (in writing) stopped giving a shit. well, in his words, "committing you to the Lord's care for the rest of your life". sounds better that way, I guess. oh. and yes, my dad wrote that. to me. wrote it, so I could keep it forever and, I dunno.. frame it on my wall or something?
so.. not like I didn't feel as if my mom has been my only parent for years, now it's actually true. just one parent.
I will never understand how my father thinks and what he says to himself, and to others, to justify those thoughts and consequent actions. I just know that he will be missing out on a lot. and I'm not completely heart-broken over that. sad, yes. but I saw this coming for a looooong while now.
if ever I deserved a vacation, now is it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|03:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
I've made a decision. an actual, big-girl decision of what I'm doing with my life for at least a period of time after school is done.
through SWAP, I'm going to go to new Zealand. to live and work and do something I've said I'll do for so long I almost didn't think it would happen.
so. from here on in, I put away any extra money I earn and hope that nothing incredibly life-altering happens before then to keep me here.
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  beyond words | ] |
i am about as sick as i can be of people ignoring their own personal issues to dwell on those of others and never take a moment to evaluate what they could do to change it.
i am trying to change myself and better who i am so that i can avoid situations like this.
but it seems within the past 72 hours, i've met and been reminded of each and every person out there that i know who can't seem to see past how badly everyone else is doing it to deal with their own shit.
i'm not kidding. any more drama introduced into my life and i'm going to lose my goddamn mind. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|01:16 pm] |
tomorrow.. seems important
like it's something special. some sort of... day. not a deathday, no, that can't be it. that almost seems like the opposite of what it is. more happy. more, 'you were born on this day 24 years ago, so celebrate! have parties. go see comedians. drink a little.'
if only i could remember..
(pictures of everything imaginable coming after saturday- when the craziness is over) |
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| 9/10 women are wearing the wrong size bra |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
oprah winfrey saved my soul
oh, no wait, she just told me I was wearing the wrong bra size.
of course she knew that. only she could.
I don't wear a 36B or C, I'm a 34D. hot damn. my tatas can speak for themselves now.
Oprah you are the best. now pay for these bras you made me buy
edit
incase you want to know how to size yourself right (if you aren't able to be sized in a store):
the band (around) should be tight enough to support your breasts without the straps even being on. so, tighter than you're used to, but not cutting off circulation tight. the front and back band of your bra should be at the same height (mine alllways rode up in the back - too big).
the cups should fit your entire breast. if the cup dimples, it's too big, go down a size. if your breasts are spilling out, it's too small, go up a size.
seriously. once you get the right fit, your breasts look implant-good. but not tacky implants, the good ones which somehow look natural and wow at the same time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  strange | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | two step - DMB | ] |
I am friends with some skeevy people.
I may or may not elaborate on that later. in my diary, yes. on here, who knows. although they might feel special if they ever fell across this page in the future and I'd mentioned how half-assed their friendships are. meh, maybe
I've also dated at least one dirtbag in the past. this is something I should've, or maybe did know, while dating him
good news:
- SUPER excited for my birthday.. which reminds me that I do infact still need to call and make some reservations at Absolute for my birth day.
and then, of course, is the mardi gras party on the weekend.. which will be vunderbar!
- Montreal? Sure!
staying at this lovely little place -
next Saturday for an overnight shopping/dancing trip with Jay and my momma. credit goes to me for the idea, momma for the hotel, jay for.. cuddles? yes, sure, I'll say cuddles |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|04:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
tell me your secret |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|07:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
I want to move out like no one has any idea how bad. school, hurry up and be done so I can leave my house. .. although... the summer is so uncertain as to jobs or travelling or who or what (Jay wants to travel. Heather wants to travel. not necessarily together or to the same places... *wah*).
I also want to buy jewelery. pretty, expensive things. why? because I like spending my money, I guess
speaking of, I am making some. !
I'm somehow doing the hockey babysitting yet again this season. with a new family this time, same team. Jordan thinks I've got a horseshoe in my colon, because this is the 2nd time I've gotten a babysitting gig like this by accident. ah well. the kids are tiny, and so pretty. and their momma seems very happy to have me (mutual feelings)
it snowed today. damn ontario. |
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| rant |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|01:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ditzy | ] |
I've accumulated quite a nice shoe collection over the past year and a bit. meaning, I've got almost all the shoes I need to appease me and they go with most of my outfits.
now that this is accomplished, I've had to come to terms with my feet being permanently blistered or sore. NO! I should not have to live like this! my shoes are beautiful, so too should my feet be!
eff. I'm dumb
if this is all the drama I have in my life, thank ya baby Jesus |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|11:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
the 'truth' book (another journal) I started a few weeks ago has some decent entries in it now. I don't know why I bother writing anything if I'm under the influence of dishonesty. lame, shut up, I know
but c'mon.. I've written so many times, in here and otherwise, where I'll either skip over the facts or gloss them up nice and shiny-like. ew! why?? does anyone care if I have something unpretty or real to say? no. so I'm quitting it. that might mean I end up writing in here less and in my new book more (already happening), but I can't just *not* mention things anymore.
on to why I'm actually writing. (I know, 'what? that wasn't it?!' nope, I have more) I stupidly picked up my 2nd most recent (2002-2003) journal tonight after I'd written a very minimal entry in mine. wow. I had a lot to say then. and I said a lot of it. my life.. revolved around boys. one after another, and most who didn't have a clue they were being thought/written about. I wrote a fucking novel on useless things.. concerts, random silly boys I met once and never saw again. I mentioned the really decent, meaningful things... mm, a handful of times? it's from just after I moved here all the way until I left Halifax. I barely wrote anything while I was there. ? as if there was nothing going on?! hence why I'm kicking my ass into writing more now. I don't want to forget my life, or only remember bits and pieces. I'm writing more again and I want to start taking pictures again. all the time, not just when I'm out/around friends.
... the Sagittarius is like, tearing my guts up inside me trying to claw out. I want to travel and not be tied down by school. I LOVE the program. LOVE the work I'll be doing. can't STAND being in one place this long. I kind of want to move out.. and live downtown. so, in essence, not leaving this place at all. (I make no sense)
don't worry..
be happy
don't worry, be happy now |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|11:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
quickest update eva.
ready...... GO!
! my mom got a Matrix. I get the Saturn. aka.. I have a car!
! because they were not putting it to use, my grandparents gave my mom a large (think, huge) sum of money for her, Ian and I to use however we would like. hence, me getting the car and actually being able to drive it legally! also, this means no more student loan for Heather. !!!!
! Melissa didn't have a baby, she had a pirate
kidding!! Belle is amazing, and she's my favourite faux-neice in the whole world
! Jordan and I have officially been dating for more than a year and a half now.
we went to Absolute Comedy and laughed like loony people
Absolute is also where I plan to go for my birthday. because being made fun of by a stranger on your birthday is more fun than not.
! someone finally made a tracker for myspace that fuckin does what it says. beware. I know that you're lurking (and now you probably know I am, too.. oops)
... and DONE! |
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